(The following is one of those e-mail things that go around: it just seemed to be an interesting coincidence that a friend sent it to me, just when Timmer’s Miko re-appeared, and my own Spike and Percy seemed to be fast becoming very, very good friends… not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap…Delicious!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I’m in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters…they’re the best! I’ll wag
my tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I’m bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milk bones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master’s bed! Life is soooooooo
great!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a ‘’good little hunter'’ I am. The
audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of allergies.” I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow– but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released–and he
seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant– I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe…….. for now.
Max is about as enthusiastic as the dog here and you can practically hear Miko and Gypsy plotting away down in the basement.
The cats have given up on the main floor of the house…for now. The fact that we kennel Max whenever we leave the house or go to sleep makes it tolerable for them. At night, the house is theirs. I expect to wake up one morning tied to the bed and hear Max being tormented in his kennel.
Comment by Timmer — 20060630 @ 0557
Your pets must be really special. To my knowlege none of my pets have ever kept a diary! It might be that I never expected them to however.
Comment by Carl — 20060630 @ 1013
My cat strikes me as the kind who’d keep a journal, unfortunaly he’s not too bright so it would be filled with many, many spelling and gramatical errors. Not well-written like those pets were.
Comment by Detailed Recruiter — 20060630 @ 1557
Hahahaha! But, if your dogs are anything like mine, there would be a passage about eventually finding the one perfect spot worthy of their poo; this can (and often does) take up to a half hour… Who knew it was so hard to find that one. special. place…
Great post Mom!
Comment by rude1 — 20060630 @ 1653
I think 3 of the 5 cats are planning an assasination of the dogs….and the other 2 get doted on and special attention for playing nice with the dogs.
Comment by Sgt/Cpl Blondie — 20060705 @ 1534