29. June 2006 · Comments Off on Cats & Dogs · Categories: Critters, Domestic, Fun and Games, General, General Nonsense

(The following is one of those e-mail things that go around: it just seemed to be an interesting coincidence that a friend sent it to me, just when Timmer’s Miko re-appeared, and my own Spike and Percy seemed to be fast becoming very, very good friends… not that there’s anything wrong with that!)


8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast

9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap…Delicious!

10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I’m in love!

12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!

1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!

3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters…they’re the best! I’ll wag
my tail in joy.

4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I’m bouncing off the walls!

5:00 p.m. Milk bones! Great!

7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!

8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!

11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master’s bed! Life is soooooooo


Day 683 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a ”good little hunter” I am. The

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of allergies.” I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow– but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released–and he
seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant– I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe…….. for now.

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