The beginning of the summer movie season has already begun, with every other movie doing their level best to avoid being trampled into a microscopically thin layer of celluloid paste under the hooves of the mighty Star Wars behemoth. There seems to be no middle ground in discussions of “Hitchhikers’ Guide”; everyone either loved it or hated it. So far, the cruelest, and most succinct take on Sir Ridley Scotts’ Crusade clunker has been “The Kingdom of Heave”— richly deserved for irredeemable presentism as regards religious attitudes, historical personages, and heroically sucking up to CAIR. Hollywood loves those crazy-brave idealists who speak truth to power and stick it to the man… but best not even think of sticking it cinematically to anyone who might slap a fatwa on their ass or send a car bomb into Morton’s’.
One historically-minded enthusiast lamented that he had always wanted to see a movie about Baldwin, the Leper-King of Jerusalem— it would have every kind of drama imaginable—- but after “Kingdom of Heave” anyone with the power to green-light such an epic would just shrug and say, “Been done.” Oh, the movies we wish we could see, the TV series we would want to have on the air, but with a couple of honorable exceptions— to which we are fanatically devoted— it’s the same old, same old, and not very daring with it, either. Last week at Rantburg, one of the regulars was pointing out that as long as Hollywood was going back and re-doing old movies and series, what about reviving the 1960ies series “Rat Patrol” and updating it to present-day Iraq or Afghanistan? What a concept— four Special Forces soldiers dashing around the desert, fighting insurgents and blowing up stuff! It would work, and work very well, especially with boys of all ages in the red states, and the Army would fall all over themselves giving assistance to the producer. Alas, there is about as much a chance of that happening, as there is of my own dream movie epic, albeit for different reasons.
Because, you see, hardly anyone has ever heard of this particular party of men, women and children. They blazed a trail in the wilderness, walked nearly three thousand miles, across plain and desert, and finally hauled wagons up a sheer mountain cliff. They set out into country unknown to most, and very possibly all, all for a gamble that life at the other end of the trail would be better. They are a footnote in the history books, going under several different names, because no one was ever entirely sure afterwards who their leader was. They had no diarist, no tireless letter-writer or professional memoirist among them, no extensive first-hand contemporary accounts; they were ordinary people … but on an epic journey.
(To be continued)
Have to disagree with you there, I really liked Kingdom of Heaven.
Comment by Robin — 20050518 @ 1259
That story sounds like How the West Was Won, Sgt. Mom.
Comment by Kevin Connors — 20050518 @ 1822
Iraqi Rat patrol! Heaven forbid the blue state whinies would be alover the producer that just is not PC
and for what its worth Kingdom was an epic movie, story line sucked but it is among those that can only truly be enjoyed on the big screen. it did keep me interested most of the time but not an oscar in the truck load
Comment by Richard — 20050518 @ 1839
Have you seen the promos for FXs “Over there”?
Comment by James Agenbroad — 20050519 @ 0614
Hanging onto a .50 cal on the back of a bouncing jeep in your Aussie bush hat is way more visually appealing than seeing the helmeted head and kevlar’d shoulders of someone peeping out from behind his trusty auto-grenade launcher as his hummer remains determinedly ground-bound.
Clooney and company just royally messed up their attempt at updating Kelly’s Heroes, mostly through lack of a dashing, debonair tanker (”woofwoof”) like me, but I digress.
Me, I’d like to see War of the Worlds, as Wells wrote it, walking machines, turn of the century england, no romantic interest to speak of, at least, not an obvious one.
Or how about a movie showing the Russian Baltic Fleet that steamed all the way around the world (an heroic feat, even then) only to get hammered by the Japanese at Tsushima.
Thermopylae, anyone?
I’m hoping that the recent Italian movie about Ceasar centering around Cannae might be the beginnings of a trend towards more historical stuff that doesn’t revolve around the ‘hottie factor’ of the skank du jour.
Comment by JSAllison — 20050519 @ 0715
It’s sounding a bit like the blazers of the Oregon Trail, except for that bit about *up* the mountain cliff. (I hear *down* more often, though that could be a later bit of the trail.)
Of course, if you’ve ever even driven across the West, say Colrado to Wyoming to Utah to Idaho across Oregon by highway, not interstate, to the I-5 corridor, you begin to understand the appeal. Because after four BIG states of brown, and half a state of high desert, you suddenly get to green paradise with flowers and streams and mint and amazingly good soil. And then you realize that the plains go way east of Denver, and that most people started almost as far away from Denver as Denver is from Eugene, and that they could only do in a day what takes a modern speed freak half an hour… and, well, you’ve got to respect them.
Comment by B. Durbin — 20050519 @ 1204
Allison a film about Caesar can’t focus on Cannae. Cannae was in 216BC, Caesar wasn’t born until 85BC.
Comment by Robin — 20050519 @ 1254
My bad, thinking Alesia
Comment by JSAllison — 20050519 @ 1402
Or you may have been thinking Hannibal, out next year starring… Vin Diesel? Oh dear God.
Comment by Robin — 20050519 @ 1409
If I were making decisions about TV series or movies, I’d be wary of anything that might be obviously entangled with current politics.
Two big reasons.
Things can change suddenly. Set a show in Afghanistan, start filming, and the war appears to end before you can even do casting. Up until November last year, who do you want to bet on winning the election? The pre-election opinion polling was pretty close.
Second, looking at how politicians, in both the UK and the USA, have reacted to apparent errors in the media, would you want to bet your career on a piece of fiction?
History and science fiction do give people an opportunity to make comments. I don’t know when the new “Doctor Who” is going to get shown in the USA, but the outbreak of farting politicians in one story can hardly be said to be innocent. And there was the story about news manipulation. But it’s just sci-fi so it’s alright.
Still, there should be some major “war against terrorism” productions by now. There’s been enough time since 9/11.
Comment by Dave Bell — 20050521 @ 1338
Maybe they’re still waiting to see who will win.
Comment by Phil Fraering — 20050521 @ 1626
[…] e one. But Steven Spielberg’s epic miniseries on TNT may just meet the standards of Sgt. Mom’s dream movie. (See also here, here, here, and here.) […]
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