This via email from reader Kayse:
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, “Where did you
get such a great bike?”The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take
what you want.”The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn’t have fit.”Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been
waiting for 15 minutes!”The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such
ineptitude!”The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a
word with him.”“Hi George! Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather
slow, aren’t they?”The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight.”The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for
them.”The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries
with that?”Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.One said, “It was a mechanical engineer.” Just look at all the
joints.”Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections.”The last one said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
“Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough
features yet”Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the
passion and mystery he found there.The engineer said, “I like both.”
“Both?”
“Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab
and get some work done.”Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to
him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a
beautiful princess, and that I’ll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool”.
Kat: Major giggles!!
Comment by Joe Comer — 20050430 @ 2346
Printed and wall mounted, these are great!
Comment by Jason — 20050502 @ 0807
How do you know you were raised by an engineer?
You can not only wrap the Christmas lights so that they don’t tangle, and know how to test them before using them, but you can change the individual lightbulbs… even if the sockets don’t match.
When I tell people my dad is an engineer, they usually say, “That explains a lot…”
Comment by B. Durbin — 20050502 @ 1412
Four engineers, one chemical, one mechanical, one industrial and one computer, were on a road trip through a desert when their car broke down. After a few moments of silence, the four began to expound upon their theories for why the car broke down and what to do about it.
“Clearly the gas mixture is off and we’re not getting proper combustion, so we need to find the right additave to get the car started again,” said the chemical engineer.
“You’re a fool,” said the Mech E. “I clearly heard us throw a rod. We’ll need to fashion a new one to precisely the right tolerances and rebuild the engine in order to get going again.”
“You’re both wrong,” quoth the I.E. “This is a GM automobile. They’ve been having assembly line quality control issues for years. It’s an overall systematic failure and can only be addressed by GM taking radical steps to improve their manufacturing process. In the meantime, we’re hosed.”
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” said the Computer Engineer. “Can’t we just all get out of the car, get back in and drive away?”
Comment by Doug Stewart — 20050503 @ 1336
Bah.
s/additave/additive/g in my last post.
Comment by Doug Stewart — 20050503 @ 1340
Yuk- yuk, haha!
Comment by Joe Comer — 20050504 @ 0736